We all want strong, happy relationships with our dogs — and understanding how to communicate with your dog is the key. Just like people, dogs express their needs and emotions through verbal and nonverbal cues. But how can you tell what your dog is trying to say? How do you know when they’re content, anxious, or trying to get your attention? Mastering dog communication with Puppies.com is a matter of learning how to read your dog’s emotions through subtle ques, and if you know what to look for, it is easier than you might think.
Sometimes their feelings are easy to read — like when they’re snuggled up, snoring peacefully in your arms (and honestly, is there anything better?). But often, their emotional state isn’t as obvious. Learning to listen to your dog’s body language and behavior helps you recognize what they need and strengthens your bond.
At Puppies.com, we believe great relationships start with great communication. There are three primary ways to communicate with your dog:
1️⃣ By reading the body language they naturally display,
2️⃣ By training them to tell you what they want, and
3️⃣ By communicating the options available and letting them choose.
Let’s dive into how each communication method works — and explore the pros and cons of each so you can better understand and connect with your dog.
Reading and Interpreting Your Dog’s Natural Body Language
Distinguishing between agression and play – It may be more difficult than you thought
Although there is surprisingly little data on dog body language, most experts are pretty good at spotting behavioral signals indicating when a dog is in an appetitive state (e.g., happy or seeking yummy or fun things) versus when a dog is in an aversive state (trying to avoid or escape from things it doesn’t like or finds painful). Most dog owners struggle with interpreting dog body language, particularly in distinguishing between aggression and play (Tami & Gallagher, 2009). However, it turns out we can quickly learn to read our dogs if we are taught correctly (Meints et al., 2018). And all sorts of great resources can help doggie caretakers learn to read their dog, such as the Fenzi Dog Academy’s “Dog as a Second Language” course (https://www.fenzidogsportsacademy.com/index.php/courses/900) or the book “Doggie Language” by Lili Chin (https://doggiedrawings.net/pages/doggie-language-book).
How dogs communicate happiness
Dog behaviors often associated with the happy, appetitive state include a wiggly, loose body, relaxed eyes, normally-positioned and loose ears (not too high, too low, or too tight to the head), a very loose and wiggly or neutrally-positioned tail, a slightly open or loose mouth, and evenly distributed weight amongst the four legs. If you observe the majority of these behaviors in your dog, chances are they are currently engaged in something they enjoy and are loving the experience.
How dogs communicate discomfort
In contrast, if you see behaviors from the aversive list, chances are there is something you can do to improve their lives immediately. Behaviors suggesting unease or discomfort include ears that are higher, lower, or tighter to the head than usual, and eyes which are extremely wide or more closed than usual, body weight leaning very forward or backward, lip licking, yawning, scratching, shaking off, turning their head or body away from something, seeming to be “ignoring” an object or person, moving away, looking like they are “grinning,” or closing their mouth when it was previously open (Owczarczak-Garstecka et al., 2018).
How dogs show aggression – this one is important to teach children
The one body part that always confuses people is the tail! Lots of people who were bitten by a dog will say afterward that they thought the dog was happy because their tail was wagging. However, even an aggressive dog will wag their tail. Confusing, I know! A happy dog’s tail is either neutral or loose and waggling all over the place – and their butt will be waggling too! In contrast, uncomfortable dogs might still wag their tail, but the tail will be stiff and often in a lower or higher position than is normal for the dog.
Although this communication option is the easiest, as you simply need to read the signals your dog is giving you, remember that every dog is different. What that means is that these signals are typically of most dogs; however, one dog may give slightly (or very) different signals from another dog based on their body structure and learning history. In other words, watch for unique presentations of the behaviors mentioned here from your pup.
Training Your Dog to Communicate With You
You and your dog may have also developed a unique form of communication together over the years. For example, perhaps your dog sits by the back door and whines at you when they need to go potty, which results in you opening the door for them. Or perhaps your dog paws at your face because they know you will give them love and attention when they do it. Or, my personal favorite is when you feed them dinner, and they eat it, but then they later go over to your spouse and pretend they’re starving, only to get fed a second time. All of these are learned communication behaviors and result in your dog receiving specific reinforcers. Sitting by the door allows them to go outside, pawing your face gets attention, and looking sad and hungry gets them (more) food.
Some of these dog behaviors are funny and endearing, while others are annoying. But one thing is true: these communication styles demonstrate that you and your dog can learn new, unique communication skills together. You can even train your dog to communicate directly with you, which will improve both of your lives and also strengthen your relationship.
For example, let’s say your new puppy currently gives subtle communication signals when it needs to potty: maybe it walks in circles, sniffs the ground, or quietly sits by the back door. These signals might be so quiet and subtle that you often miss them, resulting in the puppy pottying inside. Instead, you can teach your puppy to self-advocate loud and clear when they need to go outside by training them to use bells on the door or a push sound button on the ground.
You can even teach new communication skills that reduce or avoid major problem behaviors in your dog, such as jumping or mouthing. Several years ago, we did a study where owners wanted to reduce the amount and severity of mouthing in their young dogs, because the mouthing was annoying and painful (Waite & Kodak, 2021). In fact, some of the dogs were mouthing so hard that they broke skin or caused bruising on the owners – yikes! During the study, we observed that the dogs engaged in mouthing as a means to attract their owners’ attention and elicit play.
Therefore, one solution was for the owner to teach their dog to “ask” for attention/play in more polite and less painful ways. For example, one young dog was taught to pick up a toy, bring it right in front of the owner, and sit as a way to request a play session with his owner. In other words, the dog no longer had to mouth on her owner to get attention – she just had to bring a toy over. This new communication strategy resulted in the dog getting her play needs met and the owner getting chomped on a lot less!
Asking Your Dog What They Want: Letting Your Dog Choose How to Communicate With You
Another great way to strengthen your relationship and communication with your dog is to establish ways to ask them what they want. A great example of this is asking your dog whether they want attention and petting right now. Although dogs often crave attention and petting from their owners or other people, sometimes they simply want their space or to be left alone. This is a lot like us – sometimes we want engagement, and sometimes we just want to be left alone.
A great way to check your dog’s consent to be petted is to silently hold your hands out in front of your body and open and close your hands like you’re squishing a ball in each hand. Most dogs will interpret that as you offering pets, and they can then decide whether to walk into your waiting hands gleefully or whether to stay where they are. If they walk into your hands, just pet them for a few seconds (5-10 seconds) before removing your hands from their body and then re-cueing the opportunity, at which point they can lean in for more or stand still/walk away. It might seem odd to stop petting and check for their consent every once in a while, but for some reason, many dogs (and cats!) struggle with saying “no thank you” once the petting has started.
And consent isn’t just between you and your dog – it can be between your dog and everyone else too. For example, you can ask your guests to signal that petting is available instead of immediately reaching for your pup, which will improve your pup’s experiences with guests and improve how your dog feels about guests because they know they get a choice of whether to engage or not.
Summary
Overall, you have several great options for improving communication with your dog! You can try to read their body language, teach them how to ask for the things they want, and you can directly ask them if they want something. If you engage in all three, your relationship with your dog is sure to improve for several reasons: 1) they are better able to get their needs met, 2) your dog has greater trust in you because you ask about and listen to them, and 3) your dog feels less social pressure, and social pressure doesn’t feel good to any specie. Excellent communication is the key to any great relationship, even if it’s with your dog.
References
Meints, K., Brelsford, V., & De Keuster, T. (2018). Teaching children and parents to understand dog signaling. Frontiers in Veterinary Science, 5, 257. https://doi.org/10.3389/fvets.2018.00257
Owczarczak-Garstecka, S. C., Watkins, F., Christley, R., & Westgarth, C. (2018). Online videos indicate human and dog behaviour preceding dog bites and the context in which bites occur. Scientific Reports, 8(1), 7147. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-018-25671-7
Tami, G., & Gallagher, A. (2009). Description of the behaviour of domestic dog (Canis familiaris) by experienced and inexperienced people. Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 120(3), 159–169. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.applanim.2009.06.009
Waite, M. R., & Kodak, T. (2021). Owner-implemented functional analyses and reinforcement-based treatments for mouthing in dogs. Behavior Analysis in Practice, 15, 269–283. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40617-021-00554-y
